


Healer

by stylinkiss



Category: Original Work
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, consensual union, early birth, it's very cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:05:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18520195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinkiss/pseuds/stylinkiss
Summary: Ryan never saw himself as a parent. He thought that he lacked the skill to raise a kid. He was never going to have one, or at least he planned that.





	Healer

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAA So this is my first story. It's kinda cheesy, but I hope you like it. English isn't my mother tongue, so I hope there are no ortography errors or grammar mistakes. If you liked it, leaving kudos and comments will be appreciated! :) ly, stylinkiss.

—Hey Ryan, it's me, Nate. Since you haven't been picking up the phone, I leave this to tell you I'm on my way to the doctor's office. I'll tell you how it went later. Love you, man.

"You've got zero (0) new messages."

Ryan scratched the back of his head as he just woken up from a nap he had taken on his desk. Working as an editor, constantly watching a computer screen made him tired, he was sometimes stubborn and wouldn't use his glasses. A normal sleeping schedule? I don't know her. Nate and his constant health problems also had him stressed. He was underweight, probably anemic and it was very likely that he had caught a stomach bug from eating takeout too often. Well, Ryan wasn't the one to judge, as he also ate takeout often. Ryan was probably the opposite of Nate. He was quite overweight, had constant lower back pain and probably had high cholesterol. 

Nate had been feeling not at his best lately. He would puke his empty stomach in the morning or even sometimes during work hours. He must have picked up a bug at that suspicious Chinese place with questionable salubrity that was one block away from their apartment. Ryan would have insisted in ordering some Panda Express. There is nothing wrong with Panda Express.

—Come on, pick up...— Ryan said, as he anxiously started to move his leg. He just hoped Nate was alright.

—Hello?

—Nate? It's me, Ryan. I just listened to your message. Are you okay? What did the doctor tell you?

—You were sleeping again, I suppose.

—Yes, I was— Ryan said, rolling his eyes. —I just want to know if you are alright.

—Oh, about that... I'd rather tell you in person, when you return from work.

—You're dying, right? Please, tell me you're not dying, Nathan.

—I'm not dying, but...— Nate's voice sounded like a mix between angry and confused. –I'll talk to you later.

—Nate, I— Ryan was interrupted by the beeping that indicated that the call had finished. 

He could feel his anxiety skyrocket and start to think a little bit too much. What's so important that Nate can't tell him on the phone?

–Marital problems?

—Shut the fuck up, Bernard– Ryan would only call him Bernard when he was pissed. —You know how things are with me and Nathan.

—Yes, yes. It's an 'I don't know what we are and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask' situation— Bernie said, smiling from his desk. Bernie was about two years older than Ryan and had this big, red scar that went from his eyebrow to the middle of his left cheek. –By how that call ended I can only deduce that he didn't tell you what he has. 

—Yeah... He said that he wanted to tell me when I arrived home, but I'm wondering what could be so important that he can't tell me on the phone.

Bernie shrugged. Ryan would look at the clock, waiting for it to strike 7:00 p.m, so that he could just grab his things and leave as fast as he could, but he still had to spend other two hours working, so he returned to edit that photo of a woman holding cupcakes that he was working on before he slipped to Morpheus' arms. Both he and Bernie, along with Nathan, worked as editors in an advertising company. When he entered college to major in graphic design, he never imagined to be stuck in an office from 9:00 a.m to 7:00 p.m. At least his bosses were nice and actually made some friends there. Also, he met Nathan. 

As the clock marked 7:01 p.m, Ryan was saving his work hurriedly and turned off the computer as soon as the backup was made. He rushed out, just waving quickly to Lily, the lady that was at the front desk. He got into his little car and arrived home as fast as he could. He felt as if his heart was walking the tightrope, but he started to think, it wasn't really bad, was it? He's not dying. He opened the door and got in. Nate was watching the T.V, curled up in the sofa with a warm blanket, even though outside was really hot, considering they were in the middle of April.

—Hey Nate— Ryan said, sitting beside Nate.

—Hey— Nate said, sitting up straight. –How was work?

—Good, I guess. The usual. Brendan had us make some more different proposals for ads for the cupcake girl. She made her mole bigger with make-up during the photoshoot. Susie  
told me that when she was taking her photos, she would say that the two things that must be in that photo had to be the cupcakes and the mole next to her lip.

—Yeah... Definitely strange— Nate said, still looking at the television. He was watching one of those that Ryan liked to call 'shit reality shows that bring no good upon this society' that Nate loved, and also loved make Ryan rant about those every time he saw him binge on one of those. 

—Nate, can you please tell me what happened at the doctor's office?

Nate stared at the floor of the small living room and Ryan started to feel incredibly anxious again. Oh god. What if Nate was really dying and he just told him on the phone that he wasn't so that he wasn't as worried as he was right now? A lot of 'What if?’s started to go through Ryan's head at light speed.

—There is no easy way to say this and fuck, I don't even know how to say it— Nate said, sighing. —You know what? I'll just show you. 

Nate stood up, went to his room and returned to the sofa with two papers. He gave Ryan both of them. The first were the results of lab tests and the other one was a print of an ultrasound. Ryan started reading the lab results, and when he saw 'pregnancy test' and 'positive' together, he went pale. Now he understood why Nate couldn't tell him by the phone. It would sound like a joke. It was one of the few moments of his life that Ryan was actually speechless. He was confused and tried to think, but his mind was blank except for the flash news: you're going to be a parent! 

—Kinda shocking, huh?— Nate said. He knew that Ryan never saw himself with kids, but now, he was gonna. —See this image?— Nate took the ultrasound from Ryan's hands. —This is the future baby— He pointed at a little kind of dot that looked like a blob. Ryan stared in awe at it. 

—I know the kid is mine and everything— Ryan said, at this point he was part rambling and part trying to not fuck up and say the right thing. –I'll be by your side, whatever you choose and... I don't know. I just don't know what to say, really.

Ryan and Nate stared at each other. This wasn't gonna be easy.

 

Nate had to speak to their superior, Brendan, about this situation. He had to get the leave for when he was 'too big to even' as he had told Brendan, then the latter had to talk to his superior, who was the boss of everyone in the office, Joseph, who had a frown that looked like he was angry all the time, to make Nate an appointment with him so that he could get the leave. Bureaucracy at its finest.

When Bernie, Susie and Adam found out about it, they had different reactions. Bernie, at first, bursted out laughing, thinking it was a joke. As he saw that Ryan kept the same serious face he realized it was true. He had knocked up his roommate with who he was in a difficult situation with. Bernie just ended up with an 'Oh man' and said nothing more. Susie, as bubbly as she is, she was very happy for the two, said that she was excited to become an aunt that the baby would call an aunt because she was really good friends with their parents. Adam, the make-up artist for the photoshoots, Susie's husband and close friend of them, just said 'that's cool, bro'.

Ryan didn't know why, but all of this situation made him think about Leigh. Leigh was probably the person he needed the most at this moment. His childhood friend, his best friend, the one he trusted the most. Sometimes, he wanted to go back in time and arrive to his room 10 minutes earlier, he probably would have stopped the bullet going through Leigh's brain that took his life away. Ryan missed him a lot. Leigh would have probably laughed off and he used to say that he knew that one day Ryan would end up having a kid of his own, a kid that his own kids could one day call a cousin. 

—Are you okay, man?— Bernie said, after taking a gulp of his beer. The two of them were at a bar, sitting next to the counter. Ryan took a big gulp of beer and sighed.

—I was thinking about how Leigh used to say that I would end up having a kid of my own. Weird and funny, he was right, you know— Ryan said, as he looked down to the carving in the counter that said ‘I love you Brenda’ and he had been staring at it for no reason. —I miss him too much. 

—I miss him also, man— Bernie had met Leigh when Ryan had started working at their office. Leigh was one of 'the best people' Bernie had met. He was shocked and sad when he decided to take his own life. Bernard was quiet for a few minutes before changing the topic.—How far along is Nate?

—10 weeks. I went with him at the doctor's appointment yesterday. I felt my back shiver when I saw the baby in the screen, not gonna lie. Nate was really excited to see them, but me? I was frozen, Bernie— Ryan finished up that beer and asked the bartender for another one. —I know you've noticed it, but Nate is so fucking skinny that you can see a belly at this point of the pregnancy. I cannot believe how skinny he is. 

 

Nate knew that Ryan had his doubts about if he was going to be a good parent or not, but Nate knew deep inside him that Ryan was going to be a good dad. At this point, he was 16 weeks and his belly was more visible. He had put very little weight since the beginning of the pregnancy, thing that worried both the doctor and Ryan. The baby was in a good weight, but Nate wasn't, and he needed be more careful with that. At this point, Nate could feel how the baby moved inside him. The first time he felt that, he freaked out, to say the least. He even entered Ryan's bedroom to tell him that he felt 'his alien baby move inside him' and that he needed to wake up. A very drowsy Ryan felt his baby move, who also kinda freaked out. He did not expect it to feel like that. Ryan got even more scared when Nate told him that when the baby was bigger, they would be able to see it under his skin, like if he was in a movie from the Alien saga.

Ryan was not very good at handling Nate’s mood swings. He would get sad or angry when Ryan took to much time doing the backups or didn’t get the ice cream he wanted. Ryan would also get angry, and the two of then would get into pointless arguments, most of them ended with Nate crying and Ryan apologizing like crazy. As time went by, Nate could feel how his belly started to swell even quicker, and feel the baby movements even more, like the baby’s first kick, when Nate was about 22 weeks pregnant.

Oh god, the first kick. 

When the baby’s first kick happened, Nate dropped a cup of tea, scaring the shit out of Susie and Ryan. He stared blankly at the wall, trying to process what he had just felt: his baby, kicking agains his skin. It was exciting, confusing but made him genuinely happy. 

—Nate? Are you alright, man?— Ryan said, to see if Nathan was even listening to him.

—Earth calling Nate, Earth calling Nate…— Susie said, as she moved her head in front of his face, waiting if that triggered some kind of reaction on Nate.

Nate grabbed Ryan’s hand and put it in his belly. Ryan was taken off guard by Nate. What happened? Nate moved slightly Ryan’s hand to the side, hoping the baby would kick again, so that Ryan would feel it. He hoped the baby would kick again so that Ryan could feel it-

And there it was. 

Ryan’s mouth went agape, as he could not believe it. It was weirder than when he felt the baby move, that was for sure, but there was something different about it. He felt like a kind of warmth in his heart, and couldn’t quite express with words how it felt. 

—What happened? Is everything okay, Nate?

—The baby just kicked— Nate said, smiling. Ryan lifted his hand from Nate’s belly, and then looked at his palm. He had just had some kind of ‘contact’ with his son or daughter and it was just an… overwhelming sensation, to put it in a way.

—Oh goodness… Can I feel it?— Susie said, with a certain light in her eyes.

—Sure. Let me see where they are…— Nate said, as Susie placed her hand on Nate’s belly and tried to find where she could feel it. A few minutes passed, and nothing. 

—C’mon, let aunt Susie feel you, baby. Don’t be like this to me. 

—I guess you’ll have to wait for a while for that…— Nate said, with a little laugh. 

—Not fair…— Susie said, as she made a pout. Nate laughed, and then Susie laughed too. They continued to converse about it, without noticing it was three people in the room, instead of two, also ignoring the spilled tea and the broken cup. 

Ryan was still looking at the palm of his hand. 

 

— — —

 

—Could you move the light a little more to the right, please?— Susie asked, and Nate pushed it a bit. —Perfect.

Susie asked sometimes Nate's help in photoshoots, he was really creative and sometimes gave Susie ideas and also was company for her when Adam was busy. 

—I think we could use some helium balloons in the back to give some more color. I think she'll like it— Nate said to Susie, and she nodded. 

—We need to inflate them and then put them around here, to the left of the table— Susie said, then they moved to where the inventory was. Susie started filling the balloons and Nate tied a string so they wouldn't fly away.

—I was just thinking and I realized that this would be the last photoshoot I'll help you with before I go to leave— Nate said with a half smile on his face while he tied a red balloon.

—Oh my god, it's true!— Susie said, surprised. She didn't realize that next week, Nate was leaving because of the pregnancy. He was 7 months, almost 8. —I can't believe how fast time flew… Baby will be here in no time…

—Yeah… I know. It's exciting to think that they will be here soon…— Nate said, as he slowly stroked his belly with his spare hand, the one that wasn't holding the balloons. —I'm nervous, but the excitement is bigger.

—How is Ryan holding up? He looked like he hadn't slept for 3 days straight the last time I saw him. 

—He hasn't been sleeping nor eating well but I don't really know why. I would like to say it's the nerves but I don't think so, I mean, you can't be too nervous because of that… right?

Susie and Nate had almost finished with the balloons, but were interrupted by Bernie, who looked very worried.

—Guys, I need help. Ryan just fainted and we need help to move him to the chair— Bernie said, and as soon as he finished, Nate let go of the balloons and they all floated to the ceiling as he followed Bernie. Susie went behind them and left the balloon she was inflating, so it went at a high speed all over the room as it deflate.

Adam, Bernie and Brendan moved Ryan (not to say they dragged him a little around the office before they could lift him up) and put him laying down in two chairs. As much as Nate wanted to help, he was stopped by everybody, including Susie, as he was in no condition to try and lift up Ryan. Ryan was unconscious, but it made Nate notice that he really looked like crap. His hair was all messy, he had dark circles under his eyes and looked very, very pale. Nate felt a little guilty. Had he really been that centered and absorbed in himself that he never asked Ryan what was happening or how was he feeling? Ryan was the other parent of this baby, Ryan was his friend and hell, Ryan lived with him and Nate wasn't caring enough about him, not enough to ask 'are you okay?'

—I'll look after him— Nate said. —It's the least I can do. I'll tell you when he wakes up.

His friends nodded, and went back to work, except for Bernie. He wanted to be there, taking care of Ryan. It took a good 40 minutes for Ryan to regain consciousness, and as he slowly opened his eyes, he distinguished two blurry silhouettes in front of him. He groaned a little as he tried to stand up from the chairs, but felt as if he couldn't. Nate and Bernie noticed and proceeded to start asking questions.

—How are you feeling, Ryan?— Nate said, trying to fix his hair a little so it wouldn't look so damn messy.

—You scared the shit out of me, Ryan— Bernie said. —Besides of the loud noise you made when you fell down, you fucking made me think you died. Man… I'm glad you're awake.

Bernie helped Ryan sit down and gave him some water he could drink. Nate stood up and told Adam, Susie and Brandon that Ryan was awake. Ryan told Bernie that he was stressed and wasn't taking enough care of himself (as if it wasn't noticeable enough) and didn't know the reason why. It was the baby, Nate, work, his own anxiety… Brendan (not without asking the boss first) told Ryan he had the whole next week free, so that he could sleep and go home, visit his mom or something he wanted to do. Nate was left with Ryan, as he said he would watch over him until he felt better.

—Are you feeling better?

—Kinda, I’m getting a headache, but that’ll go later.

They were silent for a couple of minutes. Nate decided to break the silence after thinking about what he was going to say.

—I’m sorry.

—Sorry for what?— Ryan said, frowning. He legitimately had no idea what Nate was talking about.

—I’ve been kinda selfish and not even kind enough to ask you how are you feeling… I’ve been so focused on me and on the baby that I’ve forgotten to ask about you. We live together and I couldn’t notice you were not eating and looking like you haven’t slept in 2 months. 

—There’s nothing you should apologize, really— Ryan said, scratching his head. —I’m an adult, I should be responsible for myself, you know.

—What are you talking about? Of course you’re an adult and everything, but we also need to check on each other. Ryan, you’re my roommate, my baby’s father and… you are my friend, most importantly.

—It’s… like if the constant doubt is eating my brain. I’ve tried to talk about it with my mother, and she told me that first-time parents always have doubts, but, doubts strong enough to forget to eat and not let you sleep? I mean, you can always try to stop thinking about it, but when I try to stop thinking about it, it chases me again and again… I don’t know, Nate, I’m just too fucking stupid, and all of this is stupid. I shouldn’t be too worried about this, it’s stupid.

—It’s not stupid, Ryan. It’s completely valid to feel like that and man, you do need to clear your mind. It’s kinda scary becoming a parent, we’re on the same boat here— Nate said. His smile felt comforting, like if it was promising Ryan everything would be fine. —We’ll be discovering it along the way, y’know? 

Ryan hugged Nate. He was right, they would be discovering it as the baby grew, and they would grew along with them. Still, he couldn’t help doubting himself, it was a feeling that wouldn’t go away for a while. 

 

— — —  

 

Ryan took Brandon's advice and the next week, he was on a plane to get closer to his little hometown, so he could visit his mom, his other friends and… also speak to Leigh. He didn't tell anyone he was coming, so it was a big surprise for his mom when he saw her son on the door. Her hug felt comforting. He went inside and went up the stairs to his old room, where he left his suitcase. Looking around, he found that his mom had not moved anything from the last time he came here. The photo of him and Leigh was still in the desk and the t-shirt was still on the chair. He sighed and stood up to go downstairs so that his mom could catch up with his life. 

—So…— his mom said, setting two cups of hot cocoa in the kitchen counter. It was almost November, the weather was chilly and a cup of his mom’s good old cocoa was always good. —How has work been? How’s Nate doing?

—We’ve been busy with work because you know, a lot of businesses and places want their own Thanksgiving and Christmas advertising so we’d had a lot on our hands. I think each group is handling 4 projects at a time. Brendan took for us 5 projects for us so we have our hands quite full— Ryan took a sip of the hot cocoa to change topics. Oh man, was hot cocoa always this good? —And Nathan’s is doing good. He’s 33 weeks now. I told him that if anything happened, I’ll be on my way. He’s now in a better weight, like, just in the limit after underweight, but he’s been doing good, except for the back pain he’s always complaining about.

—I had a lot of back pain when I was pregnant with you, young man. Never underestimate the pain of a pregnant person— Ryan’s mom said, after taking a sip of her cocoa. —I thought that you were never going to give me a grandchild, but here we are, less than a month from meeting her or him… I’m so excited and happy. By the way, you still don’t know what the baby is going to be, right?

—Nate wants it to be a surprise, so he doesn’t let me know either, as it has to be a surprise for both of us. 

—Have you thought of any names for if it’s a girl or a boy?

Ryan had thought up a name that would fit both, but he didn’t want his mother to know. It was probably best if she didn’t know.

— Not really. I don’t have any ideas of names but I guess I’ll think of something— Ryan said, but he was interrupted by his stomach growling. He hadn’t eaten yet. 

—Well, look who’s hungry— his mother said, smiling.

—Do you mind if I go by my own to grab a bite at Harvey’s?

—Sure. Can we see each other for dinner?

—Yeah, I’ll be here for dinner. Love you, see you later— Ryan left the house. Harvey’s Diner was at a considerable walking distance from his house, but he didn’t mind it. He could take a breather and just think. 

The perks of a small town was everybody knew each other, so he crossed ways with 3 dudes that were his classmates in high school. The encounter was kinda awkward because Ryan never really talked to them back in school and they approached him like if they were best friends. By the time he arrived to the diner, he was received by the waitress that had probably been working there for life. The waitress that was attending him was also, coincidentally, a classmate of his. Stephanie was the daughter of his mom’s best friend, and when she realized it was Ryan, she embraced him in a big hug.

—Hey Stephanie, long time, no see.

—I can say the same thing about you, Ryan— Stephanie said, smiling. She had never been the most charming girl, but she made her best effort. —What had you been up to?

—Well… I’m still working at the same place. There’s nothing much up with my life lately— Ryan said, even though that was an utter lie. —How have you been?

—My mother somehow convinced me to work here in the meanwhile my work applications get accepted or something— Stephanie said, and then proceeded to hit Ryan with the cap of her pen. —What do you mean ’there’s nothing much up with my life lately’? I’ve heard the big news! Congratulations, future dad!

—Uh… thank you, Stephanie— Ryan said, thinking ‘how did she even find out?!’

—Before you ask me, your mom told my mom, she then told me and… I probably told it to other people? But don’t worry, all good people— Stephanie tried to justify why she told other people but she was just gossipy. —Of all people that would become parents in our generation, the last one I thought was going to be, it was you, Ryan. Isn’t life funny?

—Yeah… Kinda.

After some more minutes of Stephanie talking and Ryan listening, he finally ordered. A steak, which was good old man Harvey’s best dish. He didn’t knew if it was because he was hungry or because it was too damn good. He spent a few more minutes discussing with Stephanie because she had trouble remembering if Ryan had something to drink, even though he had, she swore he hadn’t. He paid the check and headed out. He walked a little more and he remembered that he also wanted to talk to Leigh, so he started walking to the cemetery. Ryan stopped by a flower shop and he bought a bouquet of tuberoses, Leigh’s favorite flowers, to put them next to his grave. He had memorized where Leigh’s grave was, so he went straight to it. He stood in front of it, reading his friend’s name over and over again, and then, he sat down, placing the bouquet of tuberoses in front. 

—Hey buddy… Umm… I know it’s been kind of a long time since I last visited you. It was snowing the last time I came here to talk to you, so it’s been quite a while— Ryan took a deep breath, trying not to cry. —It’s kinda funny that you always told me that I would end up having kids and I always laughed telling you that it was impossible? It was kinda possible and you were right, y’know? I’m a month away from becoming a father and I have to admit I’m scared as fuck. It’s kinda stupid, I know that, but I’m scared okay?— Ryan could feel the knot in his throat, and he couldn’t hold the tears any longer. —I miss you a lot, man. Every fucking day. There’s not a day I see something that reminds me of you. The other day, when I was packing to come here, I found one of those purple paper stars you used to leave on my stuff whenever I was feeling sad in my socks. In my fucking socks, man. I put it in my wallet because I didn’t want to throw it away. I just miss you every single day. It’s difficult to think about the days where you used to tell me that we would have kids, and that your kids would be like cousins to mine, that we would embarrass our children when we were forty and they would be teenagers… I just miss you, okay? I don’t know how many times I have said this, but I fucking miss you and I’ll always hold you close to my heart. I love you, Leigh and I miss you. 

He stood up and wiped the tears from his face. He kept walking until he reached the public plaza, where the fountain of the town was off. Oddly weird, it was never off but today it seems like it was the exception. He bought a single cigarette and smoked it, as he felt he needed it after this emotional moment. Ryan stared at the sky and watched the sunset. He had spent for about like an hour there, doing nothing, thinking about the good times he spent with Leigh at this very same plaza. When they were kids, they would play for hours, and as they grew up, they would just spend time talking, making plans for the future. He started to think that it was probably time to go home when he noticed that it was darker, as his mother was waiting for him, but he was stopped by a familiar face. It was Leigh’s mother.

—Well, look at you, Ryan Miller. How are you?— she said, as she embraced Ryan in a hug.

—It’s been good, all in all— Ryan said, with a half smile in his face. —How have you been?

—I’ve been trying to live my best— she said, also smiling. —I figured out you were here because I usually go on Tuesdays to put flowers on Leigh’s grave and I saw those tuberoses and figured out you were here and that I would find you at the plaza, where you and Leigh used to spend hours talking or playing. You would get his favorite flowers, no matter how expensive they could be.

—I wanted just to talk to him…— Ryan said, taking a deep breath. —I thought about him when I saw those on my way there when I passed a flower shop.

—I heard the big news from your mother. Congratulations, Ryan.

—Thank you. 

—Leigh would have loved it. He would have spoiled your child a little too much. 

—Probably yes— Ryan said, with a little laughter. —He would have bought lots of things for them and a lot of stuffed animals. I could see that he would have done that… I miss him so much.

—We all miss him, Ryan. Leigh was a blessing to all of us. I know how much he meant to you, you two were like brothers, and you’ll always be like a son to me. 

—Thank you so much for everything, Denisse. I’ll never forget it.

 

— — —

 

—Ryan, I swear to God, if you don’t stop with that sound I’ll rip your face off.

Ryan stood up and went to the couch, where Nate was watching T.V. He had just returned from his hometown and had a lot of work to do, so he just took it home to try to finish it. 

—It’s jut the keys of my computer, Nate. Chill.

—It bothers me, as much as it bothers me this horrible pain I have in my back and this fucking fake contractions. They get me in such a bad mood. 

—Bernie said he’ll be arriving in 20 minutes from the specific bakery that is near his house that you wanted the lemon meringue. Calm a little, try to chill.

—Yeah, but it doesn’t take away the fact that this fucking Braxton hicks have been ruining my mood all day. 

—Are you sure they’re Braxton hicks and not real contractions?

—I’m sure. I’ve been having them since two months ago, and they became a little more frequent two days before you returned. I guess that’s because I’m closer to my due date, or at least that’s what Google said.

—How can you trust Google with something like that? Call your doctor.

—I read it from a forum where people that have been pregnant said it was normal. Trust me, I’ll be fine. 

—You sure?

—I’m sure, relax. I told you, I’ll be fine. 

It had been half an hour, and Bernie had not arrived with the lemon meringue and Nate’s ‘Braxton hicks’ were getting worse. Ryan could hear Nate muffle and try to suppress a groan. Ryan would ask him if everything was alright, Nate would tell him that everything was fine, and that he should stop asking. Until he had to scream ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD’ because of one. Everything was not okay. Ryan stood up and went to Nate as quickly as he could. Oh no, it had started.

—Probably it wasn’t Braxton hicks…— Nate said, as he tried to take a deep breath. —I think I might be in labor, Ryan. 

Ryan felt as if he could see how his skin turned white of becoming pale. He wasn’t certainly ready for this. He had still some weeks to go? The baby had to arrive next month. This could not be happening.

—Breathe… I’ll figure something out— Ryan said, grabbing Nate’s hand. —Why did my fucking stupid car had to be broken? 

Probably Nate was about to reply sarcastically, but he couldn’t, as another contraction hit him. He squeezed Ryan’s hand tightly, as if he was trying to make Ryan feel the pain he was going through, 

—Call Bernie, he’ll might be able to help us.

Ryan just nodded and grabbed his phone and tapped Bernie’s number.

—I know, I know Ryan. Maybe Nate is a little desperate for the lemon meringue but please tell him I’ll be arriving in 20 minutes with this city’s hell traffic. 

—Bernard… I need your help, please. 

Ryan called Bernie ‘Bernard’ only when he was pissed, but also when he needed help with something serious.

—What happened? Speak.

—I think Nate is in labor and you know my stupid car is broken and please hurry up… 

—Is this for real? Are you fucking kidding me?

—Do you think I would joke with someth— Ryan was speaking but was interrupted when he saw liquid on Nate’s leg. —Nathan… did you just pee yourself?

—Oh god… He broke waters— Bernie said through the phone, worried. —I’ll try to hurry and find another way to your apartment. Don’t move an inch.

Bernie hanged the phone. Nate knew that his water had just broken and that this meant that real labor had started. He would squeeze Ryan’s hand harder each contraction and tried his best not scream. 

—This is when I supposedly tell you I’m going to murder you because you did this to me, but I won’t, Ryan.

—To what do I own your mercy?

—Because that’d be too cliché. Probably I’ll squeeze your left hand until I break it. 

—You’re very considerate on not trying to break my right hand, as it is the one I do most things with. 

—I’m being very considerate with you, Ryan. Appreciate it. 

They waited for Bernie in almost silence. Ryan would not say anything as Nathan squeezed his hand tightly and swore randomly as the contraction passed. Ryan felt relieved when he saw Bernie, but still, he said he would arrive in 20 minutes from the beginning. 

—What the fuck, Bernard. You said 20 minutes.

—Calm down. I had to buy this first aid kit because I think that Nate will have to give birth here.

—No, no, no, no— Ryan said, panicking. —We can still arrive to the hospital, can’t we?

—If his water has already broken, we won’t. The hospital is almost 40 minutes away from here, Ryan. The baby won’t stay inside of his body much longer.

Bernie entered the apartment and talked to Nate. There was no other choice than giving birth on the tub. Nate, naturally, freaked out, but at least he knew that Bernie would be aiding them, he trusted him more than probably anyone else of their friends to deliver his baby to the world. Ryan helped Nate stand up and walk him to the bathroom. Bernie was filling the tub with water, Ryan was panicking inside and Nathan was trying to find a way of coping with the painful contractions. He tried hugging Ryan tightly, and at least he could feel Ryan’s back crack from the strength of that hug trying to alleviate pain. 

—Is the water too hot?— asked Nate between muffled breathing and swears.

—It’s lukewarm. Nothing too bad— Bernie said. After taking Nate’s undies off, both of them helped Nathan get into the tub. Bernard had asked Ryan to bring some towels, and when he arrived, he threw them to the floor and grabbed Nathan’s hand. 

—Next contraction, push— Bernie said. They never thought they would see him so serious.

Ryan felt how much harder Nathan pressed his hand. Nate almost started to scream, but tried his best to keep it in. As far as Ryan knew, probably the most painful part of birth is the baby’s head. Probably it was this, considering how much Nate tried not to scream and how much harder he pressed Ryan’s hand. Nate had pushed 4 times when they heard Bernie say:

—This is the last push, Nathan. You can do this.

Nathan pushed with all his might. Bernie catches the baby and slowly got him out of the water, and as soon as it got out of they water, started to cry loudly. 

—It’s a boy. A baby boy— Bernie said, as he wrapped the newborn in a towel and gave it to Nate. Ryan looked as his baby as Nate held him near his chest. A beautiful baby boy, indeed. 

Not Ryan nor Nathan could believe it… Their baby was here, after 8 difficult months, he was here. The baby was crying loudly, but it was normal. It seemed all so surreal to Ryan, as he was now a father of a baby boy that would learn everything from him and Nate, that had part of his genes and that would look up to him. 

—You should probably call the doctor, Ryan— Nate said, as he just stared at the little baby in the bundle of towels in his arms.

—You’re right. I’ll call her.

Ryan went outside the bathroom and pulled out his cellphone. He quickly searched for the doctor’s number and called.

—Hello, Dr. Sanchez, it’s Ryan, Nate’s… partner. Um, we had a little complication and the baby had to be born in our bathtub… Yeah, it was kinda late when we realized he was in labor and we couldn’t get to the hospital… I’ll text you the address. Thank you very much.

Ryan entered the bathroom again, where Nate would whisper little sweet things to the baby and Bernie would just watch him, smiling.

—Congratulations, dads. 

—You know, Ryan. I give him the middle name and you give him the first name. 

—I haven’t thought of any. 

—You’ll have some time to think. He can’t say ‘Baby’ for ever. 

—Too bad. It’ll be stuck with him forever.

—Poor creature will be stuck with you all his life, Ryan— Nate said.

—Ouch.

A knock was heard on the door. That was fast.

—Oh, thank you, doctor. You arrived fast.

—Thank God I live near here. Where are Nathan and the baby?

—Here, follow me.

Ryan and the doctor entered the bathroom, and she greeted Nate. Bernie just said ‘good evening’ and quickly exited the bathroom.

—I’ll ask you to leave us while I check the baby, Ryan. Please. 

Ryan just nodded and joined Bernie outside, on the living room. 

—Bullshit. You have thought names.

—Yes… But I don’t think I want to give him that name I’ve been thinking of. It’s too much to carry in just a name. No.

—Nathan will like it. Trust me. There’s nothing wrong with that name.

—You think so? You know, he’s so unpredictable… I don’t know if he’ll actually like it. 

—Chill, you’ll never know if you don’t ask— Bernie said. —Calm your nerves with some lemon meringue. 

—Did you actually bought it?

—Yeah. It’s kinda destroyed because I threw it on the table, but it’s still good. 

—I wouldn’t mind to help with the wait. 

Ryan got two spoons and both started to eat from the container. Ryan had just had a spoonful of meringue when the doctor asked him to come. He stood up and went to. The bathroom, while Bernie continued to eat the lemon meringue. 

 

—Well, everything seems to be fine with your baby. There are still some tests left to run, but those have to be in the hospital— the doctor said, adjusting her glasses. —But he seems like a healthy little boy. What is his name.

—What did you think?

—Well, probably we can name him Pablo, like your dad, or Stephan, like your grandad or maybe Roy? You know, like your grandfather from you dad’s side. 

—Ryan. It can be that name you’re thinking of. 

—I… don’t want to burden him with such a name. When he asks me why did we name him like that, what am I supposed to say?

—That we named him after an incredible person that you cherished so much. It won’t be a burden, or will it, Leigh?

The baby yawned and made a weird face that looked like he was smiling. Ryan started to cry happy tears.

—I think he likes it. Leigh Christopher Miller-Young. It has a nice ring to it. 

Ryan smiled. It was his son, named after his best friend. He was happy He could push all those negative feelings to the side so that he could enjoy this beautiful moment. 

—Do you want to hold him?— Nate said.

—I’d love to… but I’ll break him. He’s small and fragile.

—Come on. When I said I wouldn’t let you near my kids I was joking. Hold him, he doesn’t bite. 

With some help of the doctor, Nate gave Ryan the baby. He held him close to him. The baby’s skin was soft and he made a lot of funny faces. He couldn’t believe he was a parent. 

—Hello, Leigh— he said in a low voice, hoping that only his son could hear him. —I’m you dad, Ryan. You know, your name is very special. You’re named after my best friend and the person I miss the most. I want you to know that as long as I live I’ll do my best to protect you and to give you the best I can— He gave the little one a little kiss in the forehead. —Your name means ‘healer’ and probably you’re here to heal a lot of the wounds of the heart. You’re going to be someone big, Leigh. I just know it. Dad loves you. Never forget it, okay?


End file.
